User blog:Rarity7Best/Hilarious Movie Quotes
''The Room'' *Mark: How was work today? *Johnny: Oh, pretty good. We got a new client and the bank will make a lot of money. *Mark: What client? *Johnny: I cannot tell you; it's confidential. *Mark: Aw, come on. Why not? *Johnny: No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life? ---- *Johnny: I kill you, you bastard! *Mark: You couldn't kill me if you tried. *Johnny: You betrayed me! You're not good. You, you're just a chicken. Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep. ---- *Lisa: I can't talk right now. *Johnny: Why, Lisa? Please talk to me, please! You are lying, I never hit you! You are tearing me apart, Lisa! *Lisa: Why are you so hysterical? *Johnny: Do you understand why? Do you? ---- *Johnny: into flower shop Hi. *Flower Shop Clerk: Can I help you? *Johnny: Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please? *Flower Shop Clerk: Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you. *''bouquet of roses'' *Flower Shop Clerk: Here you go. *Johnny: That's me. How much is it? *Flower Shop Clerk: It'll be $18. *Johnny: over cash Here you go. Keep the change. *''flowers and pats dog on the counter'' *Johnny: Hi, doggy. *Flower Shop Clerk: You're my favorite customer. *Johnny: Thanks a lot. Bye! *Flower Shop Clerk: Buh-bye! ---- *''walks to the apartment rooftop'' *Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! *water bottle *Johnny: I did not. Oh hi, Mark. *Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up? *Johnny: I have a problem with Lisa. She says that I hit her. *Mark: What? Did you? *Johnny: down No, it's not true. Don't even ask. What's new with you? *Mark: I'm just sitting up here thinking, you know. I got a question for you. *Johnny: Yeah? *Mark: You think girls like to cheat like guys do? *Johnny: What makes you say that? *Mark: up I don't know. I don't know. I'm just... I'm just thinking. *Johnny: I don't have to worry about that because Lisa is loyal to me. *Mark: Yeah, man, you'll never know. People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl; she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street. *Johnny: Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark. *up *Mark: Yeah, you can say that again. *Johnny: I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much. *Mark: Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky. *Johnny: Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark. *Mark: then walks forward Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet. *Johnny: Well, what happened? Remember Betty? That's her name? *Mark: Betty? Yeah. Yeah, we don't see each other anymore. You know, she wasn't any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments. *Johnny: That's too bad. My Lisa's great whenever I get it. *Mark: down Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're just flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil. *Johnny: It seems to me that you're the expert, Mark. *down *Mark: No. Definitely not an expert, Johnny. ''Spaceballs'' *Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star. *Lone Star: What? *Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. *Lone Star: What's that make us? *Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become. ----- *Colonel Sandurz: Try here. Stop. *Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie? *Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now. *Dark Helmet: What happened to then? *Colonel Sandurz: We passed then. *Dark Helmet: When? *Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now now. *Dark Helmet: Go back to then. *Colonel Sandurz: When? *Dark Helmet: Now. *Colonel Sandurz: Now? *Dark Helmet: Now. *Colonel Sandurz: I can't. *Dark Helmet: Why? *Colonel Sandurz: We missed it. *Dark Helmet: When? *Colonel Sandurz: Just now. *Dark Helmet: When will then be now? *Colonel Sandurz: Soon. *Dark Helmet: How soon? ----- *Dark Helmet: in the room, lifting up his visor I can't breathe in this thing. *Colonel Sandurz: We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir. *Dark Helmet: Good. I'll call Spaceball City and notify President Skroob immediately. *Radio Operator: I already called him, sir. He knows everything. *Dark Helmet: What? You went over my helmet? *Radio Operator: Well not exactly over, sir... more to the side - I'll always call you first, it will never happen again, never, ever. *gets out his Schwartz ring *Radio Operator: Oh, shit. No, no, no. No, please, please, no. *his neck *Radio Operator: Not that. *Dark Helmet: his visor Yes, that. *the beam at the operator's crotch, as the operator agonizes in pain ---- *Dark Helmet: at Mr. Coffee What's the matter with this thing, what's all that churnning and bubbling, you call that radar screen? *Colonel Sandurz: No, sir. We call it, *the machine *Colonel Sandurz: Mr Coffee. Care for some? a cup for Helmet *Dark Helmet: Yes. I always have my coffee when I watch radar, you know that. *Colonel Sandurz: Of course I do, sir. *Dark Helmet: everybody Everybody knows that! Right? *All the henchmen in the room: their crotches Sir, yes, sir! ---- *Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it. ---- *Dark Helmet: Careful you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it! *Laser Gunner: Sorry sir! I'm doing my best! *Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner? *Major Asshole: I did sir. He is my cousin. *Dark Helmet: Who is he? *Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole, sir. *Dark Helmet: I know that, but what's his name? *Colonel Sandurz: That is his name, sir: Asshole. Major Asshole. *Dark Helmet: And his cousin? *Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole too, sir. The gunner is a first class Phillip Asshole. *Dark Helmet: How many assholes have we got on this ship, anyway? *bridge crew stands up and raises a hand *Entire Bridge Crew: Yo! *Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes. *Helmet pulls his face shield down *Dark Helmet: Keep firing, assholes! Category:Blog posts Category:Movies Category:Tanner Schnabel